Can these bones live?

"For all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

Let me start this off by saying: I have been redeemed. 

There was a period of my life where sin ruled. Where I wasn't being sensitive to the Holy Spirit, which is actually a huge understatement. Not being sensitive = completely and totally ignoring.

God delivered me from my sin. But its effect on me maintained a tight grip.

For years I was so focused on my failures that I began to dry up. In my guilt, I avoided God. The longer I avoided Him, the farther I felt from Him. It was a distance that I was creating because of this feeling that I had that I needed to pay for my sin. It was over the summer of 2011, at a church in Chicago, that a pastor spoke about allowing the message of Grace to truly take hold of our hearts. Do I have a higher standard than God himself? Surely not. Then why in the world do I continue to hold my failures above my head, if God has already forgiven them? Do I not believe that the Jesus' death on the cross was big enough to pay for my sins?

What I have gotten caught up with in the past is the idea that because I chose to rebel, it is my duty to somehow pay for those sins. Because I have no way of doing that, I've often felt like if I show my deepest regret over them, I would somehow be able to come out from under their weight.

My payment was despair.

That summer was foundational for me in my walk with the Lord. It was the day I found freedom. It was a long time coming. Since then, God has slowly, but surely, been drawing me back to himself. And He is faithful to give me reminders that the Cross alone can pay for my sin.

In church this week, Erik (one of our teaching elders) said that whether you are in rebellion or despair, you're actually operating out of two scenarios that stem from the same cause - a focus on self.
(To watch the sermon, go here)

In rebellion, you're doing what self wants to do. It's acting in opposition to what you know God is asking of you or calling you to. It's a denial of the Holy Spirit's tapping, sometimes to the point where the tapping fades and you no longer hear it. "Our rebellion leads us to circumstances in life that break us."

In despair, your focus is on self. Self-pity, self-blame, self-loathing...lots of types of despair. It starts with depravity, "moral corruption or degradation", and as it continues, leads to despair.

At least that's how it was in my case.

To continue to stay focused on my own guilt, my own wrong doings or past sin, is to continue to reject the power of Christ's sacrifice on the Cross. It's to believe the lie that somehow, I have to pay for my own sins. This is an impossibility. It's through the Cross alone that sins can be covered. This is FREEDOM; from sin and from guilt. It's a call to quit with the self-loathing, and live in a new life that has been provided by the free gift of Grace.

I have a new favorite Bible Story.
It's The Valley of Dry Bones. Ezekiel 37: 1-15.

"The hand of the LORD was upon me, and he brought me out in the Spirit of the LORD and set me down in the middle of the valley, it was full of bones. And he led me around among them, and behold, there were very many on the surface of the valley, and behold they were very dry. (Emphasis on the impossibility of bringing these dry bones back to life) And he said to me, "Son of man, can these bones live?" And I answered "O Lord God, you know." Then he said to me, "Prophesy over these bones, and say to them, O dry bones, hear the word of the LORD. Thus says the Lord God to these bones: Behold, I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live. And I will lay sinews upon you and will cause flesh to come upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and you shall live, and you shall know that I am the LORD." So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I prophesied, there was a sound, and behold, a rattling, and the bones came together, bone to its bone. And I looked and behold, there were sinews on them, and flesh had come upon them, and skin had covered them. But there was no breath in them. Then he said to me, "prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to the breath, THus says the Lord God: Come form the four winds, O breath, and breathe on these slain, that they may live." So I prophesied as he commanded me, and the breath came into them, and they lived an stood on their feet, and exceedingly great army. 

I didn't muster up enough breath for myself and cause myself to go from dead to living. And to be honest, I'm still probably at the point where the bones are rattling and still trying to come back together.
But there is new life forming. And I'm excited about it.

Can these bones live? Absolutely. And I give God all the glory.

Turn my eyes to Your face
Let me draw from Your strength
And bathe in Your grace
Let me soar with wings to win this race
Let me have Your peace it's not a hopeless chase
'Cause I lose sight of all You have called me to be
And it takes so much to drop me to my knees

But I can't wait to be free
From this life of mindless sin that compromises me
I know one day I will be
There is a victory that You've won for me
And when You come back again
I'll be free