I'm learning. Slowly.
I moved home to Virginia exactly 3 months ago today. The transition has been a little difficult, but I really feel like God's been teaching me a lot. I'm a pretty stubborn learner. It normally takes me losing something, whether that be a piece of myself, something I treasure, or a person that's close to me. I'm not sure why I don't seem to listen the first time. Maybe I think I can figure it all out for myself. Well, I can't. That's for sure.
I think the lesson that He's been trying to get across to me recently is that I can trust Him. I've always been told I can, but sometimes things you're told aren't always easy to believe or understand. I put a lot of faith in things I can touch, or see, in friends or family that I respect, and in my own ability to figure things out or handle things. I may be reiterating what I said in the first paragraph, but I believe that He had to let me be broken in order for me to realize my huge need for Him. Believe it or not, I actually preached a sermon on this very subject in college. I guess I needed to heed my own words. Knowing something in your head doesn't necessarily mean that you know it in your heart.
So how does He teach me? Do you remember Algebra? Do you remember how to solve Algebra problems? I have to admit that I would have a problem remembering if it hadn't been for my recent experience with substitute teaching middle school. Talk about putting me on the spot.
"Miss Harrison, I'm not sure how to do this math problem."
"Well that's funny. I don't really know how to do that either. I guess I can ummm...
...try and figure it out? Leeeeet's see...ummm...Allllgebra 1, huh?"
Someone please tell me how you come off as a credible substitute teacher after the kids figure out you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.
Ok...I'm getting sidetracked.
Algebra. If the problem looked something like this...
256 + X = 473
...you would subtract the 256 from both sides to get X by itself so that X would then equal 217.
So what's the point? The point is, in order to get an answer, you have to get rid of all the other stuff so that you can figure out what X equals. See the analogy? Maybe? Haha. I could be reaching on this one...but...I really think that in order for God to get me to listen, in order for Him to help me find my purpose, my direction, my "equal sign", He has to break me down. He has to take away all the other stuff that surrounds me, the stuff that makes life look difficult. Once He gets me by myself, then He can start to talk to me. Because that's when I start to listen.
I'm a pretty social person. I like to be around people. The problem is, a lot of times people are a distraction for me. It's in those quiet moments when I'm sitting at home alone that the Lord starts to speak, because He knows that's when I'll be listening.
"Be still and know that I am God."
Lord, give me ears to hear.
