Can these bones live?

"For all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

Let me start this off by saying: I have been redeemed. 

There was a period of my life where sin ruled. Where I wasn't being sensitive to the Holy Spirit, which is actually a huge understatement. Not being sensitive = completely and totally ignoring.

God delivered me from my sin. But its effect on me maintained a tight grip.

For years I was so focused on my failures that I began to dry up. In my guilt, I avoided God. The longer I avoided Him, the farther I felt from Him. It was a distance that I was creating because of this feeling that I had that I needed to pay for my sin. It was over the summer of 2011, at a church in Chicago, that a pastor spoke about allowing the message of Grace to truly take hold of our hearts. Do I have a higher standard than God himself? Surely not. Then why in the world do I continue to hold my failures above my head, if God has already forgiven them? Do I not believe that the Jesus' death on the cross was big enough to pay for my sins?

What I have gotten caught up with in the past is the idea that because I chose to rebel, it is my duty to somehow pay for those sins. Because I have no way of doing that, I've often felt like if I show my deepest regret over them, I would somehow be able to come out from under their weight.

My payment was despair.

That summer was foundational for me in my walk with the Lord. It was the day I found freedom. It was a long time coming. Since then, God has slowly, but surely, been drawing me back to himself. And He is faithful to give me reminders that the Cross alone can pay for my sin.

In church this week, Erik (one of our teaching elders) said that whether you are in rebellion or despair, you're actually operating out of two scenarios that stem from the same cause - a focus on self.
(To watch the sermon, go here)

In rebellion, you're doing what self wants to do. It's acting in opposition to what you know God is asking of you or calling you to. It's a denial of the Holy Spirit's tapping, sometimes to the point where the tapping fades and you no longer hear it. "Our rebellion leads us to circumstances in life that break us."

In despair, your focus is on self. Self-pity, self-blame, self-loathing...lots of types of despair. It starts with depravity, "moral corruption or degradation", and as it continues, leads to despair.

At least that's how it was in my case.

To continue to stay focused on my own guilt, my own wrong doings or past sin, is to continue to reject the power of Christ's sacrifice on the Cross. It's to believe the lie that somehow, I have to pay for my own sins. This is an impossibility. It's through the Cross alone that sins can be covered. This is FREEDOM; from sin and from guilt. It's a call to quit with the self-loathing, and live in a new life that has been provided by the free gift of Grace.

I have a new favorite Bible Story.
It's The Valley of Dry Bones. Ezekiel 37: 1-15.

"The hand of the LORD was upon me, and he brought me out in the Spirit of the LORD and set me down in the middle of the valley, it was full of bones. And he led me around among them, and behold, there were very many on the surface of the valley, and behold they were very dry. (Emphasis on the impossibility of bringing these dry bones back to life) And he said to me, "Son of man, can these bones live?" And I answered "O Lord God, you know." Then he said to me, "Prophesy over these bones, and say to them, O dry bones, hear the word of the LORD. Thus says the Lord God to these bones: Behold, I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live. And I will lay sinews upon you and will cause flesh to come upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and you shall live, and you shall know that I am the LORD." So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I prophesied, there was a sound, and behold, a rattling, and the bones came together, bone to its bone. And I looked and behold, there were sinews on them, and flesh had come upon them, and skin had covered them. But there was no breath in them. Then he said to me, "prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to the breath, THus says the Lord God: Come form the four winds, O breath, and breathe on these slain, that they may live." So I prophesied as he commanded me, and the breath came into them, and they lived an stood on their feet, and exceedingly great army. 

I didn't muster up enough breath for myself and cause myself to go from dead to living. And to be honest, I'm still probably at the point where the bones are rattling and still trying to come back together.
But there is new life forming. And I'm excited about it.

Can these bones live? Absolutely. And I give God all the glory.

Turn my eyes to Your face
Let me draw from Your strength
And bathe in Your grace
Let me soar with wings to win this race
Let me have Your peace it's not a hopeless chase
'Cause I lose sight of all You have called me to be
And it takes so much to drop me to my knees

But I can't wait to be free
From this life of mindless sin that compromises me
I know one day I will be
There is a victory that You've won for me
And when You come back again
I'll be free

Two Things

This is an addition to Hunter's birth story. I left out a very important part, according to my Dad. :) He insisted I include this part.

Right after the nurse brought Hunter in the room for the first time, Dad went straight for him. We had to remind him that Stuart should probably get first dibs. He hesitantly agreed and waited patiently for his turn. :)

When he finally got his hands on Hunter, he sat down in a chair and pulled Hunter real close so he could whisper in his ear. At about 30 minutes old, Hunter got a lesson in the important things of life.

Dad said, in his sweet little "you only get this treatment because you are special to me" voice, "Hunter Levi, there are two things you need to know to make it in life. Number one, Jesus loves you. And number two, Roll Tide!"

He's only been a Grandpa for a month, and he's already knocking it out of the park.
Love you, Daddy.

Hunter's Birth Story

Note: This is very long. :) 

Sarah asked me to write down some of the details of Hunter’s Birth Story.

I was honored. :) I tried to document it as best as I could remember. Here goes! :) 

I have been excited about coming home since I first found out Sarah was pregnant. The anticipation of getting to be a part of this experience has been thrilling! I was so nervous I was going to miss it, but I made it home in time for lots of relaxation with a pregnant sister before she delivered, as well as plenty of Baby 101 after she gave birth. I am learning lots. :)  
 

Pregnancy pictures in the front yard. :)

Hunter was due on May 30^th. I took the last week of work off, flew home early, and thought for sure I was JUST going to make it in time for little Hunter to be born. We just thought little Hunter was going to be so big that he couldn’t stay in there much longer. Even the nurses at the hospital were guessing that he was going to be at least 9 lbs. So Sarah, Mama and I did a lot of sitting around, taking pictures, laying out, even counting contractions. But little Hunter wasn’t moving. Sarah was 1 cm a couple of weeks before Hunter’s due date. At her final check up a couple of days before, she was still 1 cm. Even after lots of contractions on Monday night, May 30^th, there was no change. So, after talking to her doctors, they decided that she would go in on Wednesday night, June 1^st for induction, into Tuesday morning, June 2^nd.

She and Stuart got their things together and headed to the hospital Wednesday evening. Thursday morning, excited and ready for action, Mama and I made a couple of stops on our way into the hospital. Sarah requested a Hardees’ biscuit. Mom headed that way, and I went to Wal-mart to pick up a couple of magazines and grab some Chick-Fil-A. I also took in a freshly made batch of blue-ish green Rice Krispie Treats. :) They didn’t LOOK super appetizing, but Sarah, her doctor, and nurses thought they were good enough to eat.

Mama and I got there around 8:30 am. At around 10:30, they inserted a Foley Bulb into Sarah’s cervix  to try and help her dilate. Sarah did dilate more and was now 4cm. She was working through some contractions and they were getting a little more intense. She got her epidural around 12:00pm and was able to rest more comfortably through contractions. They also put her on a pitocin drip to move labor along quicker.  Her nurse, Brittany, was a good friend of hers and she did a great job of keeping Sarah calm throughout her entire labor process. She would come in regularly and help Sarah move into different positions. We were not aware of this at the time but the reason for frequent position changes was to help with Hunter’s heart rate. He wasn’t responding well to the pitocin and when Sarah would have a contraction, his heart rate would drop. Because Sarah knew what all the sights and sounds of the hospital meant (this is the floor she works on and the people she works with), they turned down the monitor in her room so that she couldn’t hear Hunter’s heart beat drop. They didn’t want her to get panicky.  But what we didn’t know was that her doctor and a couple of her nurse friends were regularly checking the monitor in the hallway and getting increasingly concerned. They knew that Sarah didn’t want a C-Section, so they allowed her to continue to labor while closely monitoring Hunter’s heartbeat.

At about 5 pm, after lots of position changes including getting up on  her hands and knees, and trying to find the best possible position to make little Hunter’s heart happy, the doctor came in and told us about her concerns with his heart decelerations. She told Sarah that she was considering a C-Section, but that she wanted to give Hunter some more time to progress. At this time, he was at -2 station and the goal was to get to +2. We were concerned about this needed change as Hunter had not moved down all day. Dr. Visger told Sarah that she’d be back in an hour to check on the labor progress.

We prayed through that hour, hoping that Hunter would be able to come out on his own. When she returned at 6, we were delighted to hear that Hunter had progressed to 6cm and was now at 0 station.  Again, she gave Sarah another hour. The doctor was optimistic and was pleasantly surprised at Hunter’s progress.

When she returned at 7:00 pm, the story was different. His heart rate wasn’t doing any better and they were worried about his umbilical cord being possibly compressed. He had progressed to +1 station but at this point, Hunter’s decelerations of his heart had become significant and it was decided that Sarah would need a c section.

Sarah’s eyes instantly filled with tears. This was not what she wanted and not how she had envisioned the delivery of her sweet baby boy. Mama was also emotional. One thing we knew, though, was that Dr. Visger was aware of Sarah’s desire to deliver naturally and she had given her every possible opportunity to have a natural delivery, but Hunter’s heart rate was now a significant concern and it was time for him to be delivered. Sarah wiped her face and said, “Let’s just do it. Let’s just get him out.”

The doctor and nurses, one of them who was also crying along with Sarah, left the room for a couple of minutes and let us just take it all in. We prayed over Sarah and little Hunter. Stuart got all decked out in scrubs, and then, the labor and delivery staff returned to wheel her to the O.R. We kissed her sweet face and said we’d see her soon!

Sarah and Stuart dressed for the operating room!

The room was honestly so weird then. Just empty. I think it was at this point that we just felt helpless. Our daughter/sister was in another room, we could do nothing more to comfort her, and she was about to have her first baby.

This was also a bit of a comical moment. After sitting in the room for a while, we realized that it was dark. They’d turned the lights off. Mama and I thought for a second that maybe they’d forgotten about us. We knew that Sarah would be moving to a different room immediately after surgery, but we didn’t know where to go. We decided to turn the lights on, and then we stood by the doorway and just kind of looked down the hall. We thought, “Well…we’ll just wait here.” :)

After standing for a couple of minutes, Brenda (Stuart’s Mom) came down the hallway. We filled her in on what had happened so far. We chatted for a couple more minutes, and the next thing we knew, we saw a nurse at the other end of the hallway waving us down!! Hunter was in the nursery!!!

Hunter Levi Fairweather was born at 8:36 pm he was 20 ¼ inches long and he weighed 7 lb 10.6 oz.

You should have seen us move! We were running down the hallway, all holding hands, and just so excited!! When we got to the windows, they pointed him out. It was so surreal! Honestly, we were just like, “That’s him! There he is! Oh my goodness!” We were snapping pictures, before we realized that Dad and Bobby (Stuart’s Dad) were out in the waiting room.  Mama ran out to get them and then we were all huddled around the window. Stuart, who had gone into the operating room with Sarah, had carried Hunter from the O.R. to the nursery and  he was standing on the other side of the glass, right beside Hunter.  It was such a cool moment. One I will definitely never forget. Stuart came out a little bit later and spent some time with his parents. You could tell that he was now a proud Daddy for the first time. Wow. 

 Our first glimpse of him! 

Stuart is standing on the right.

Proud first time grandparents!

 We looked at little Hunter, took some pictures, looked at him more, “ooooed and aaaaahed” over him for about 20 minutes. He was perfect.

Then sweet Sarah rolled around the corner. She was pretty out of it, shaking quite a bit from having just had surgery. She’d lost some blood and had just had a baby. Her body was definitely responding. She was happy that Hunter was healthy, but she was in no shape to be able to celebrate with us. Poor thing. We had her room packed out. There was one point in time where there were 9 of us in there, plus 2 nurses. We were all so excited, but Sarah just needed some rest after laboring all day and then ending up having surgery.

One of the nurses who was also Sarah’s close friend, brought little Hunter in and we watched him get his first bath. We were quite literally paparazzi. We just couldn’t stop taking pictures. He was so sweet and hardly made a sound. After they bathed him, we started passing him around. Everyone got the chance to hold him. It was such a celebration. We just couldn’t believe that he was finally here. 

Family photo! Hunter was getting his first bath. :)

After a little while, it was obvious that Sarah needed some rest. Everyone began slowly saying their goodbyes. Sarah insisted that Stuart should go home and get a good night’s rest. They had already stayed the night before while Sarah was being induced. We then decided that I would stay the night with Sarah. A few minutes after Stuart had left, one of the nurses came back in with a little bottle for Hunter and I was the first one to feed him! He was darling. I got to burp him (my favorite part!) and Sarah rested across the room. 

I loved this moment. Little Hunter was sleeping and his Mama was sleeping
and I was just trying to take it all in. I held him for as long as I could. 

My tummy was rumbling, and Sarah’s night nurse brought me a boxed lunch which consisted of a drink, fruit cup, and a sandwich. Then, I made up a little bed on the couch for myself and Sarah and I dozed off for a while.

Around 4 am, Sarah woke up. She was wide-eyed and ready to see her boy! She rang for the nurse, and said, “I’d like to see my baby, please!” :) The nurse said sure thing, went and got Hunter from the nursery, and brought him in. It was in these next couple of moments that I think it really sank in. I crawled in bed with Sarah and we just sat there and stared at him. She looked at me and said, “I can’t believe he’s mine! He looks just like Stuart.” His eyes were open and he was looking right at us! It was so incredible! We took more pictures, checked all his fingers and toes, and gently touched his little face. LOVE. What an incredible moment. I was so glad I got to be a part of it.

Sarah was in the hospital all day Friday and Saturday morning. They released her around noon on Saturday. 

Ready to go home!

She was still sore from surgery, but was moving around pretty well and feeling like she wanted to go home. Mama, Daddy and I met her and Stuart at their house and we all sat in the living room and passed around the newest little bundle. All of us were pretty sleepy, so there was lots of napping, but it was such a fun time. I couldn’t stop touching Hunter’s little head and smelling his sweet newborn smell.  

Sweet Sister resting with her new baby boy.

Mama and Daddy's turn to take a nap with Hunter.

The next week was just a whirlwind. Long days of sitting and staring at a sweet little almost 8 pound bundle. I learned how to quickly, but gently, change a diaper, feed and burp, and do the whole rocking to soothe move. I loved wrapping his little fingers around one of mine when he was sleeping. Mama and I stayed the night at Sarah’s most of the week to help them with nightly feedings and changings. Sarah wasn’t supposed to go up and down the stairs because of her C-Section, and so we were able to do a lot of the running for her. It felt great to be helping, even though on my shift I didn’t do so hot. It’s hard waking up at 3 and being alert! J I couldn’t figure out the bottle warmer, and then Sarah was feeding Hunter but I wanted to stay awake in case she needed anything else. I laid on the floor next to the rocker and tried to stay awake. I said, “Sarah, don’t tell Mama! I failed my shift!” 

It was amazing to watch Hunter grow. He was born 7 lb 10.6 oz on June 2^nd. By June 13^th, he weighed 8 lb 7 oz! Originally, a lot of his clothes didn’t fit him because Sarah had been given 0-3 months instead of newborn. It didn’t take long before he really started filling out his clothes. He is growing so fast!

It has been thrilling being a part of this experience. Sarah is the first of the three of us to have a baby, so it’s all new and all exciting. We’ll see what the future has in store and if we can get this Hunter boy some cousins to play with. Gotta find that stork. :) 

I am one very proud Auntie.

 

Hunter's First Framed Picture

Sweet little Hunter boy. 

Making his grand appearance in a little over a month! 

This Auntie can't wait to get my hands on him. 

I have a feeling my family will be fighting over holding time with the little guy. 

He's gonna be kissed and doted on. 

Precious little boy. 

We love him already. 

Hubs

One night I came home to this guy, sitting at our kitchen table, using an online tutorial to help him figure out how to make flies. 

He had all of his little tools out, the table all set up, and he was in serious concentration mode.

It was just the cutest scene to walk in on.

 

Something I love about my hubsters is that he is all man, totally likes to camp, fish, hunt, hike, shoot, kayak, rock climb, ski, explore, be outdoors, scale mountains, etc., etc., etc....

But the other thing I love about him is he's about the sweetest guy ever. 

Always kind. 

Super patient. 

Very loving. 

What a combo.

Marriage License

I found this cool old marriage license graphic from The Graphics Fairy and instantly knew I wanted to add our information to it and make a print to hang in our house. Our marriage license just doesn't look quite as cool. :)

 Here's the before, blank.

And the after, with us included. :) 

Super fun, and pretty easy to do. 

I just have to print it out and make sure that it turns out ok. :) 

Hooray for an evening computer experiment!

Something to keep in your pocket...

I stole this off of Lisa...

It's like love that way; once you arrive, once you are firmly aground in a love, you begin to see that it has cracks and rough edges and dirty spots, pockets of toxins, less privacy, maybe, than what you had imagined. But if you are willing to remember the initial distant beauty of a love or a daydream, and if you are willing to live in that beauty up close even with all its imperfections...then the dream is yours to have. People who can remember that on a daily basis are lucky, because they get to spend their time swimming and kissing instead of always looking off into the distance, making up things that aren't necessarily true about places or people who are far away. It's almost too easy to avoid living the dream you are in while questing for one more perfectly imagined. Half of being a dreamer is dreaming and half of it is actually living in your dreams.
-off the map

...something I need to learn...